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 The Woman I Leave Behind

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loner
Mahiyain
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Post Count : 1
Current Location : quezon city
Sexual Identity : femme
Preference : femme

PostSubject: The Woman I Leave Behind   Sat 18 Sep 2010, 8:23 am

4:00 AM She left me there in a dark cold room, she cant stand me crying, she cant stand to see me hurting. I pleaded for her not to leave me, but it falls in deaf ears, shes too hurt to hear me. Alone, I cry in anguish. I feel so rejected and unloved, unworthy of anything. I try my damnest hard to pacify myself. But the pain is just excruciating. I need to get out of here. I need to go home to where i am accepted. I need to leave before i completely lose my sanity. I get out of the room and found her resting in a sofa. I headed for the main door. Just when i tried to open it she grab my hand. She told me that i cant leave because another car blocked the driveway.  I turn to look at her.. My pleading eyes met her blarrng eyes. Her eyes on fire. I can see it even in dim light. I saw anger and pain. I headed back to the room and trow myself in bed sobbing uncontrollably. She followed me, shouting words i can barely understand. I remained lying in bed hoping and praying i disappear. Then i felt her hug me. She imprisoned me in her arms, I still cant hold back my tears my body is still shaking. She continue hugging me. Then in the softest and warmest of voice, she hush me... told me to empty my mind and not worry about anything, just hear the beating of our heart and feel the warmth of our breath. Just cherish the moment we can still be together. Instantly i felt peace. I stop crying and my body and mind calmed down. I think i have fallen asleep immediately cause thats the last thing i remember. I woke up after 3 hours, she was still asleep and still hugging me. I slowly free myself from her. I went out to check if i  can already leave. I woke her up and told her im leaving she needs to open the gate. Still sleepy, she pulled me and hug me tightly, her eyes still closed. Her body pressed to mine, i can feel  her heartbeat. This is the warmest and safest place i can be, imprisoned in her arms. We stayed there for another 10 mins. How i wish it can be lifetime. But the reality remains i need to leave, I painfully pull away from her. 

I felt the heaviness in my heart the moment i boarded the car. Im leaving... Im leaving her. I hope this time i will be strong enough not to look back and go back. She has a new life. A boyfriend whom she will be with for the rest of her life. Someone who can give her the desire of her heart from childhood - a FAMILY. She will be getting married soon, and boy how  it hurts. Our chapter had ended. Im leaving behind the woman who means the world to me. It needs to be done because it is the right thing to do. Our relationship was damn from the very beginning. I continue backing away. I can still see her looking at me. The moment i turn that curve and she was out of my sight, I started crying. I wish to crash the car and end my life. But that would give her so much pain. I can feel the distance widening as i drove away. My tears keeps on flowing... it will never stop because i leave behind the very person who can make it stop. And then I felt a void in my heart that even the whole world combine cannot fill. I have leave behind the only person that can fill it, the person that can make me complete.

The tragedy of love but i rather feel the pain than to feel nothing. Its enough to know that once she was mine. Another time, another life, who knows?
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